Are We Really Spiritual if We're Policing Others?
In the spiritual community, we often talk about personal growth, self-love, and embracing the journey within. Spirituality, in its truest form, is about freeing ourselves from external constraints, connecting to our higher selves, and living authentically. However, what happens when judgment and control creep into spaces meant to promote freedom and enlightenment?
Recently, an incident in a spiritual group raised this very issue. A member made a post questioning the spiritual integrity of women who choose to dress in ways that show their cleavage, even going so far as to imply that doing so made these women desperate for male attention. The poster argued that no "real spiritual woman" would wear such clothes, creating a stark divide between those who embraced their femininity and those who conformed to more traditional, perhaps conservative, notions of modesty.
This raises an important question: Are we really spiritual if we’re policing others?
Judgment Has No Place in Spirituality
One of the most critical aspects of a spiritual journey is self-acceptance and the acceptance of others. Spirituality is a deeply personal experience, unique to every individual. When someone imposes their beliefs or judgments onto others—especially in such a superficial way—it contradicts the very foundation of what it means to be spiritual.
The idea that showing cleavage or dressing in a way that makes a woman feel good, confident, or beautiful somehow negates her spirituality stems from an outdated mindset. This kind of thinking has roots in religious and societal expectations that have historically tried to control women's bodies and their autonomy. It’s essential to recognize when these old belief systems infiltrate our spiritual practices and undermine the very freedom we seek.
Embracing Femininity is Empowering
For many women, embracing their bodies and their femininity is part of their spiritual awakening. The way a woman chooses to dress can be an act of self-expression, self-love, and empowerment. When we criticize or shame others for how they choose to present themselves, we’re not addressing the deeper spiritual issues at play—we’re projecting our own insecurities, fears, and conditioned beliefs.
It’s easy to confuse modesty with morality, but in spirituality, what truly matters is the intention behind our actions. Spirituality isn’t about conforming to a set of external standards; it’s about honoring your true self and living in alignment with your soul’s purpose.
The Need for Shadow Work
In this particular situation, it became clear that the judgment around how others should dress likely stemmed from unresolved personal issues. This is where shadow work comes in. Shadow work involves confronting the parts of ourselves that we’ve suppressed or denied—the aspects that make us feel uncomfortable, such as insecurities, fears, and past traumas. When someone feels the need to control or judge others, it often reflects an internal struggle or unresolved issue that has nothing to do with the person being judged.
Instead of projecting these feelings onto others, shadow work allows us to confront them, heal from them, and ultimately release them. It’s about understanding that our judgments say more about us than about the person we are criticizing.
If someone feels triggered by how others express their femininity or spirituality, it’s a sign that they may need to dive deeper into their own insecurities and beliefs around control, modesty, or even their relationship with their own body. When we do the work to heal our shadows, we can approach others with compassion, understanding, and love, rather than judgment.
Spirituality is Freedom
At its core, spirituality is about freedom—freedom to explore, to express, and to evolve without fear of judgment. It’s about finding inner peace, not controlling others to make ourselves feel more comfortable. True spirituality celebrates diversity in all its forms, including how we dress, how we speak, and how we show up in the world.
When we start policing others based on outdated notions of what is “spiritual” or “appropriate,” we are no longer walking the spiritual path—we are reinforcing the very limitations that spirituality aims to break free from.
Are We Really Spiritual if We’re Policing Others?
In the end, the question we must ask ourselves is: Are we truly spiritual if we’re imposing our beliefs and judgments onto others?
Spirituality is not a set of rules or a checklist of how to behave. It’s a journey inward, a practice of self-acceptance, and an ongoing effort to live in alignment with our higher selves. When we focus on controlling others, we move further away from our own spiritual growth and, instead, reinforce the chains that spirituality is meant to break.
Let’s embrace a spirituality that is rooted in freedom, not judgment. Let’s celebrate the many ways women (and all individuals) choose to express themselves and recognize that true spirituality comes from within. After all, it’s not about what we wear—it’s about how we love, how we live, and how we show up for ourselves and others in this world.
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